We’ve got snakes and border collies this week. Also, locked room forced friendship! In other news, I am somewhat rueing Tristan’s return. His occasional gestures of kindness help, but this interpretation of him is so smug, and I hate it. We had such a good thing going with James, Siegfried, Mrs. Hall, and Richard. And I guess Helen also. I mean, I am happy there’s another person living at the house, because I want it to be full of people, but why couldn’t it be like, some local farm boy? (I’d say farm girl, but they have to share a room with Richard.)
I know Jimmy isn’t adding much to the story in terms of dynamic plot moments, but I love him and his little mittensssss. Every time he shows up in a knitted ensemble, I am so happy. More shots of Jimmy! Haven’t we earned them already this year?
James is taking care of a cow belonging to Mr. Crabtree, the farmer whose herd had brucellosis. So he is understandably easily anxious about his cows now. This one (Rose) won’t eat, so James prescribes linseed oil for indigestion. He needs to also prescribe himself a chill pill (hey-ooo) because he is jumpy about Crabtree’s new border collie, Shep. Shep likes to pounce at you out of nowhere and start barking, and yeah, that’s startling, but still.
The next day, Rose the Cow still isn’t eating, and Mr. Oakley, a nosy postman, says they should gallop her around. James is very “That’s an old wives’ tale,” to which I say, James, how do you think the old wives learned these things? Do you think maybe through experience? Fix your head, sir. But also, yes, that postman seems very annoying. Rose is doing better after the galloping, which irritates James, and as he leaves, Shep barks at him again. James loses his shit at the dog right in front of Helen. They go to The Drovers and she’s like “Heyyyyy, so…that seemed weird.” And James mentions by-the-by that his crew got shot down on a mission, which he apparently has not yet told her. When Helen asks if it would help if he talked about it, James says he has “made his peace with it,” meaning, “nah.” Okay, so that’s a thing. Can you imagine if your spouse was suddenly like, “Oh yeah, all these people I knew and cared about were shot down and killed? Do you want more info? Nah, that’s okay. I’ve processed it. Sure, I raged at that dog, but I’m fine.” I just don’t love it, James. Also, imagine a world before therapy was normalized, i.e. most of human existence. Terrible.
Excitingly, Richard has returned. I love Richard. He’s sharing Tristan’s room, and they immediately do the opposite of hitting it off when Tristan makes a joke about Richard partaking in debauched celebrations after exams, and Richard immediately nay-says anything of the kind. Yes, very good, Richard. He also brought back some bacteria for Siegfried to examine, causing Tristan to say, “He chose bacteria over booze. Why do I feel like I’m about to spend my precious time off in a library?” Tristan, it’s like you don’t even know the demographic of the show you don’t know you’re on. Do I want to go to a pub with Smug Tristan or discuss bacterium characteristics with Richard? Wow, what a hard choice, said no one who watches All Creatures Great and Small.
Later, everyone at Skeldale is busy but Tristan. James and Helen are hanging out on the sofa, Mrs. Hall is about to go out on her rounds, and Siegfried and Richard are playing cribbage and having a very fun argument about it. Tristan tries to get people to go to The Drovers. Tristan. Look how cozy everyone is. Just grab a book and sit in the armchair. There’s a fire right there, along with three dogs. I know Tristan feels left out, but I have absolutely no sympathy for him here. He could sit and talk with James and Helen in the living room if he wants company.
Instead, he drunkenly stumbles back into the house at one in the morning and falls on Richard, who is sleeping in what was formerly Tristan’s bed. They wake up Siegfried with their arguing, and he counsels that they’re grown men and can solve this on their own. The next morning, they fight over a piece of toast like grown men.
The practice gets a call about a snake on the loose over at Mrs. Pumphrey’s estate. One of the soldiers seems to have smuggled it in. Richard is very excited and Mrs. Hall volunteers Tristan to help since the house is so large, and Richard says it will be like looking for a snake in a haystack. When they arrive, the matron doesn’t know what the snake looks like, and they don’t ask to speak to the soldier who saw it. I do not know why. Snakes vary widely in size and color! Same overall shape, though. Just a bunch of s’s of various sizes. But without a description, they have no idea if it’s venomous or not, so why are they not talking to this soldier? AGH. Anyway, it’s fine, and Richard chats up a wounded soldier.
I know last week, I thought Jenny was going to be surprise gay with the Land Girl, but this series has honestly given four seasons of zero gay vibes, and all of a sudden, I keep being like, “maybe…?” Richard and the soldier talk about Dickens and snakes, and it’s super cute. I support a boyfriend for Richard! Except for the horrors of living as a queer person in the 1940s. (And also now!) But I digress! Wounded Soldier mentions a girlfriend, and my hopes are dashed as to what the show is planning here.
Richard and Tristan end up locked in a random room in the enormous house with, of course, the snake. The snake is a large python, which is a constricting type of snake and, therefore, non-venomous. They can get up to thirty-three feet in length, which is bananas. We discover that Tristan is petrified of snakes, and yet somehow, being locked in a room with one does not cause him to bang on the door. They just sit and wait to be discovered. Are Richard and Tristan a useless pairing? First, they don’t talk to the snake witness; then, they use the most passive method possible to escape a room. They never even bang on the door at all; Richard just starts shouting, which I guess they hadn’t already tried?? Good Lord.
Anyway, they apologize to each other for being rude, and they decide they can share the room without any rancor. James brings Shep the Border Collie some food as an apology for shouting at him (James! That’s so nice!), and Shep, in turn, runs and scares the annoying postman (Shep! That’s so nice!). Siegfried and Mrs. Hall get a new (“new”) mattress into Tristan’s room so his sleeping arrangements in the cupboard are more comfortable, and Tristan and Siegfried apologize to each other for how they’ve both behaved the past few days. So many apologies.
We get a very Married scene at the end with Mrs. Hall and Siegfried on the sofa, sitting with Dash and talking about how nice it is to have the house full and happy. We all know you’re the parents! Just get married; it’s been five seasons.
Tristan tells Richard he’ll find a way to get his bed back, which sounds like the set-up for a gay romcom where the whole time, you know the solution is them falling in love and sharing the bed, but they refuse to see it until it’s right in front of them. Then we’d have three couples living in Skeldale. Just imagine.
